


The Devil's Backbone

by Merlins_Lancelot



Category: Kingsman: The Secret Service (2015)
Genre: BUT I LOVE THEM, Eggsy is dumb, F/M, FIx It, Harry is back, Kinda, M/M, Merlin is sad, Multi, they are all dumb
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-30
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-12 00:50:03
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,365
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4458986
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Merlins_Lancelot/pseuds/Merlins_Lancelot
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>This is an expansion of something that got published in its infancy by accident when I was transferring things from my chromebook to my new laptop (original title was Tell Me When Its time To Say I Love You). This is the finished product that I had intended to show everyone, it is a 3 parter :) Hope everyone enjoys it!!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. I've Fallen For Someone Who's Nothing Like You

The thing is, Eggsy has seen the Star Wars films, so he's not entirely unfamiliar with what happens when the young unlikely hero loses the person who believed in him most. Except he's pretty sure that once the death star was done for and the galaxy was saved, Luke didn't go home, crawl under the blankets, and cry for two weeks. He's also convinced that Luke wasn't in love with Obi Wan, and there was the real problem, because Eggsy knew from the moment the older man defended his honor in that pub, that he was completely gone for Harry Hart. He had no intention of telling anyone any of this. Why should he tell? It was none of their business, he figured. The only person who's business it was, was Harry Hart, and if Harry never got to hear it, then neither should anyone else. That was the plan anyway.

"Eggsy?" The voice calling for him shook Eggsy awake, but he didn't bother moving. Merlin would know to look in the bedroom, and if he was calling Eggsy's name, he already knew he was here, so there was no point trying to sneak out the back. He rolled over, trying to look rumpled; maybe if he looked pathetic enough, the man would leave him alone. No such luck, apparently. The knock on the bedroom door was faint, and unnecessary because Merlin just walked in anyway.

"What do you want, Merlin?"

"I want to make sure your alright, it's been two weeks since you had your day in the sun, so to speak, and Roxy said she hadn't seen you. I was concerned. Especially after I realized that you would probably be here."

"It's better than going home to Dean. Why isn't Roxy here then, if she wanted to see me so bad?"

"She's giving you your space."

"You should follow her lead, mate," Eggsy grumbled, pushing his face back in the pillow.

"I'm afraid I'm more persistent when it comes to the people I care about," Merlin said softly, as though he wasn't happy he was there either.

"Right, of course. Well, it's not like you woke me from anything I was missing. I'm not dreaming of him, is what I mean, in case you were wondering. I don't sleep well by myself," Eggsy murmured and he could practically hear Merlin's eyebrows shooting skyward.

"Did you and Harry sleep here?" Merlin asked tentatively, his voice rising to an almost undignified squeak in fear of the answer.

"No. God no. I'm just saying, in general, I don't sleep well alone. Roxy and I bunked together, just for comfort, you know? And then after Harry, it just felt like the walls were closing in, and being alone made it scarier," Eggsy explained, hugging a pillow to his chest. Why did Merlin have to do this? He didn't even want Harry to see him this way, and he wanted to give Harry everything. Now he was vulberable, and sad, and Merlin would want to take care of him.

"I'm so sorry, Eggsy. So terribly sorry," Merlin said softly, looking at Eggsy with such warmth and kindness that Eggsy acted on impluse and cuddled up to him, wrapping his arms awkwardly around Merlin's waist.

"How about this? I'll stay here and lay down with you so you can sleep, and then when you wake up, we'll talk about getting you out of here."

"You're going to sleep with me?" Eggsy asked incredulously.

"In the literal sense of the word, yes. Then after that, we can talk about the rest."

"There's more?" Eggsy asked, looking at Merlin with uncertainty.

"Eggsy. We will address our emotions later. For now, let's sleep. I haven't been resting much either, and I like the idea of resting next to you."

"Merlin, don't make this harder on both of us, I can't do this." The words were barely more than a whisper, and Merlin responded by taking off his shoes and his sweater, leaving him only in his undershirt and trousers. He pulled the blanket back slightly and slid in to bed. He was afraid for a moment that Eggsy wouldn't even come near him or that this had been a bad idea in general. Eggsy disuaded the fears immediately; he had barely hit the mattress when Eggsy glued himself to Merlin's side, going as far as to drape a leg casually across Merlin's thighs. Merlin looked down at the young man, and thought of saying something, but saw that Eggsy was already fast asleep, and was in fact, lightly snoring. He grinned, and was soon closing his eyes for the first time in what felt like a decade.

 

They woke up towards the end of the day, which didn't surprise Merlin. What did surprise him was waking up next to Eggsy sitting upright, propped up against the pillows, playing with his phone and holding a tray full of food.

"I made us some lunch. Or is it dinner? It's 5:00, so I don't know what you'd call it really. Here, have some coffee and a sandwich."

"Thank you," Merlin said, his voice hoarse from sleep.

"So..I'm just going to jump right in here and ask, what did you want when you came over here? Because I'm guessing the original intent of the visit wasn't to get in bed with me."

"Am I to understand that you didn't enjoy it?" Merlin joked, or rather, tried to joke. He winced at how desperate his attempt at humor had come across, but Eggsy was gentle with him.

"I enjoyed this very much. I've been missing you, you know. I text Roxy a bit, so at least we talk while I'm hiding out here. But you, I don't have your personal cell, didn't want to bother you at work, but I did think about it. I missed you," Eggsy repeated, and Merlin smiled.

"I showed up today because I miss you too. And also to help you move in to the new home I purchased for you on behalf of Kingsman."

"You bought me a house?" Eggsy squeaked in disbelief.

"Only the best for our new Galahad," he said with a smile that was mostly sadness, and Eggsy decided to accept his help. Maybe it wouldn't be so bad to share the grief with someone who knew Harry, and surely missed him just as much, if not more, if Eggsy was being honest with himself. He knew that what he missed was the "what if" of him and Harry, the possibility of their love, while Merlin...Merlin was missing what already was, what had been a lifetime of friendship and getting each other out of situations just like the one that had eventually claimed Harry's life. Eggsy could truthfully not begin to imagine what Merlin was going through, though he felt horrible for not trying.

"Hey, Merlin?" he said tentatively as they ate their sandwiches.

"Yes Eggsy?" Merlin sounded so tired even after their nap, and so incredibly sad it almost broke Eggsy's heart.

"I'm sorry, you know. For Harry, for locking myself away, for not asking how you were before hiding under the duvet for half a bloody month...I'm just sorry," Eggsy said quietly, and Merlin smiled.

"Thank you Eggsy. Harry was a good friend who lived a long life compared to most in our line of work. I had many wonderful years with him that I shall remember fondly. But I think, sometimes, that it must be harder to miss the possibility of a life, than a life itself, yes?" Merlin asked, looking at Eggsy with a knowing smile.

"You knew I loved him," Eggsy said, too shocked to make it a question.

"Of course I did, Eggsy, but might I say, just because he is gone does not mean that you have to say the love is in the past. Do you love him still?"

"I think so. But I'll get over it, won't I? No need to drag it out," Eggsy explained, focusing intently on his coffee cup.

"True, but don't do so too quickly at the expense of your heart," Merlin said gently, and Eggsy smiled, this time without sadness.

"Harry used to say stuff like that. Thought he was the only one who cared, to be honest. But Roxy came along, and now I've got friends. Makes me think I'm going to be okay, yeah?" Eggsy said happily, and Merlin placed a hand over Eggsys where it rested on the bed.

"And me," Merlin said softly.

"What?" Eggsy said sharply, but did not move his hand.

"In your list of people who care about you, who will be there for you, I hope you think of me as well."

"Of course Merlin, I thought you knew I consider you a friend, especially after today."

"Oh Eggsy," Merlin sighed. "You are lovely beyond measure, incredibly kind to others even when nursing a broken heart of your own, and I cannot ignore that I care about you very much, beyond the traditional definitions of friendship." He leaned in slowly, waiting for Eggsy to move away, but he didn't, so Merlin leaned closer still and kissed him gently. Eggsy kissed him back, reaching up to caress Merlin's face fondly, before pulling away as gently as possible.

"Let's finish eating and then clear up, alright? You up for a trip to my place after we finish up? You can help me pack up," Eggsy said shyly, and Merlin smiled.

"Of course I will help you. You didn't think I was going to let you run the risk of a run-in with Dean all by yourself did you? Despite knowing that you can handle it on your own, I refuse to allow you to face that alone."

"Thanks." Eggsy wiggled slightly closer to Merlin, who smiled and placed a hand on Eggsy's leg.

"However, I'm afraid I will leave you to spend another night here. Our day of rest has made a trip to the office inevitable for me, I'm afraid."

"Really? After I just told you I couldn't sleep well by myself, you leave me alone all night before I start moving?"

"I know, I'm a horrible beast. But tell you what, I won't say no to coffee if you are still up at around midnight," Merlin hinted and Eggsy laughed.

"See you at Midnight then." "I will see you then," Merlin replied, pulling his sweater and shoes on, but hesitated by the side of the bed where Eggsy sat. They looked at each other for a few drawn out seconds, then Eggsy leaned in for a quick kiss but pulled back immediately.

"I'm sorry, I don't know why I did that, I just felt like..."

"You wanted to kiss me goodbye?"

"...Yeah.." Merlin smiled at Eggsy's reply and leaned in closer to him.

"There's nothing wrong with that," he said, and kissed him softly before walking out the door, leaving Eggsy to ponder what had just happened, and to try to keep himself occupied until midnight. He ended up washing the dishes, overthinking what to bring Merlin, and gathering his things he had strewn about Harry's place. At midnight, on the dot, he showed up in Merlin's office with coffee.

"Hope a latte is okay. Would have felt silly ordering my caramel monstrosity and then a black coffee, wouldn't I? So we both get girly drinks," Eggsy said with a smile, placing a garishly decorated to go coffee cup on Merlin's desk.

"Latte is fine, and I'd prefer if my coffee came without a gender identity, if it's all the same to you," Merlin grinned, and Eggsy let out an overly dramatic dreamy sigh.

"And he's a feminist, to boot. My prince charming," Eggsy joked, then shut his mouth as fast as he had opened it, eyes wide with horror at what he had just said.

"It's alright Eggsy. It's not as though I haven't expressed interest," Merlin assured him and Eggsy nodded, feeling only slightly less foolish.

"Right, I get that. I guess we have work to do tomorrow, I'm going to try to sleep, alright?" Eggsy tried to bow out gracefully, but Merlin could sense he was nervous.

"Of course. And Eggsy, really, don't worry abut it, its fine. At worst, we can chalk it up to you being exhausted. At best, well, I flirted, and you flirted back. And now we are flirting. Like civilized people."

"Harry would hate us," Eggsy said with a laugh, and then both of their smiles faltered.

"Probably. Get some rest, lovely. I will see you in the morning. Would you like me to bring over some breakfast?"

"Please?"

"Alright. Goodnight," Merlin said with finality, and Eggsy turned on his heel and walked out without another word. Once he was safely back at Harry's with JB in his arms, he made a beeline for Harry's office and turned on the light. The papers were still on the desk. The headlines were on the walls. The half finished glass of whiskey was on the desk. Everything was the same. It still smelled like him too, if he closed his eyes and inhaled so deeply it almost hurt, there was a trace of Harry's scent in the air. So Eggsy did close his eyes, and imagined him sitting on front of him.

"What do I do Harry?" He asked. "I don't know if I would even be doing this if you were here with me. But you're not, so I've gone and done it. I'm falling for him. And I can't stop, more importantly.. I don't really want to. He loves me, Harry. And I'm never going to know if you were going to love me back even if you were alive, so I've gotta go. This is my last night with you, I'm moving on tomorrow. They're gonna sell this place, or give it to someone else, I don't really know. But I can't stay here any longer." Eggsy said, and opened his eyes. He wasn't really sure why he was saying goodbye to the house as though Harry were still in it, but he felt the need all the same. He turned off the lights, closed the door, and made his way into the bedroom, still in shambles from his nap with Merlin. He stripped down to his underwear, turned off the lights, and curled up with the pillow that smelled most like Merlin. He fond himself drifting off, with the scent of the man he wanted to be in bed with lulling him to sleep.

 

True to his word, Merlin showed up bright and early with coffee and a car to take him and his things to the new place, and then over to the flat his mother still shared with Dean to pack up what little belongings he had and take them to his new place. They got the small box of what he had taken to Harry's in to the car fairly easily, then they were off. Eggsy practically gulped his coffee despite it being scalding hot, partially for the energy, and partially to avoid too much conversation with Merlin. He seemed to understand Eggsy's position, though, because Merlin wasn't too chatty either, until they got to Eggsy's old place. As much as he wanted to avoid an uncomfortable conversation, he almost swooned when Merli walked in to the apartment in front of him, insisting that Eggsy stayed back until he had been through every room, weapon drawn, to ensure Dean wasn't around. He managed to get control of his blood pressure though, and they were in a fairly comfortable silence until they began packing Eggsy's book shelf.

"Harry Potter," Merlin said fondly. He didn't even pose it as a question, just stared fondly at the 7th book for a bit before placing it gently in a box.

"Yeah, I love those books. Take them everywhere I can," Eggsy said, placing the rest of the series in the same box and their hands brushed.

"Eggsy, should we discuss yesterday at all?" Merlin asked tentatively, and Eggsy inhaled deeply.

"Let's just get the rest of the packing done, yeah? Can't wait to see the place you picked out for me," Eggsy sighed breathlessly, and Merlin nodded in agreement, trying not to show how crushed he was by Eggsy rejecting the prospect of a genuine moment between them. They kept packing, still mostly in silence, but when they were all done unpacking and setting up Eggsy's new furniture that Merlin had delivered, Eggsy hugged him goodbye.

"Thank you for all your help."

"You are so welcome," Merlin said sincerely, and hoped for a kiss, but sadly, Eggsy didn't initiate anything more intimate than the hug before he left. The door closed, and Eggsy leaned against it, wondering why he was more depressed about letting Merlin walk out that door than he was about leaving behind the last traces of Harry.

Later, when he is all settled in, Eggsy decides to watch Star Wars again, to see if he missed something. It turns out, he realizes after the second film, that he really did, and he knew that he had to make it right.

"It's like this," Eggsy said, walking unannounced in to Merlin's office. "I thought I was like Luke, you see, and the one person who believed in me was gone. But it turns out the friendship with the person who shows him he's not alone, even after that loss, is so much stronger, and the adventures he has with Han are the best times of his life. I thought I was going to be sad over Obi Wan- Harry- you know what I mean, for my whole life, but it turns out, all I need is Han. Han is the one I want, the one I need."

"So are you Princess Leia, then, in this scenario? As far as I know, Luke was not the Skywalker offspring that Han rode off in to the sunset with, so to speak."

"You can call me Princess all you like as long as you kiss me right now."

"Done," Merlin barely had time to agree before Eggsy launched himself in to Merlin's arms and kissed him within an inch of his life.

"I should mention that it still hurts," Eggsy said and Merlin nodded. "And that it will be awhile before I no longer love him. But you should know also that I know you better than I got to know him, and care about you more."

"Do you? I kissed you only 30 hours ago Eggsy, how can you know your own heart so quickly?"

"I just do, Merlin. I don't know how, but I do," Eggsy sighed in to Merlin's neck, nuzzling him and Merlin pulled him close and kissed him passionately once more, the two of them sinking down onto Merlin's couch, Eggsy falling gracelessly in to Merlin's lap. They continued to kiss until Eggsy needed to breathe and he pulled away. "So what now, babe?" he asked cheekily, and Merlin smirked.

"Well, I was hoping we could continue this for awhile, but if you insist on a change of scenerey, dinner at my place? Followed by other things involving our mouths, at my place?"

"You're filthy," Eggsy moaned.

"One of the many things about me I hope you will appreciate," Merlin purred, sucking a red mark onto Eggsy's collarbone.

"I do, deeply. I like this plan of yours. Is now a good time for me to get off your lap, or shall I give it a few minutes?"

"Well, I would say give it a minute, but your presence won't make the problem go away any quicker."

"Aww poor baby. Would it help if I do this?" Eggsy whispered in Merlin's ear, and then wiggled his hips to grind down on Merlin slowly. Merlin gave him the reaction he was searching for; a low whine escaped his throat and he thrust upward, and fought to keep himself from taking Eggsy right there over the desk.

"Not at all. But keep doing it," he begged, and Eggsy grinned, hopping off Merlin's lap quickly. "No, come back," Merlin begged and Eggsy playfully rolled his eyes.

"Relaxe, I'm adjusting to make this more comfortable," he purred, and stradled Merlin in order to grind a little lower at a better angle.

"Eggsy, you feel so good," Merlin moaned and Eggsy smiled.

"I like it when you moan my name. Like you're desperate. Like you're hungry for me. Like you need to touch me," Eggsy panted, tugging his shirt over his head and unbuttoning his jeans. Merlin pulled off his own shirt and guided Eggsy's hands to his fly. Although it was tricky, Eggsy was determined to not muck this up with his usual clumsiness, so he pulled off Merlin's trousers as efficiently as possible and gyrated his hips so that his ass brushed against Merlin's cock. Eggsy couldn't help but admire it, it was gorgeous, huge, and dripping for him already. The sight of it made Eggsy whine and whimper like a whore, and Merlin responded beautifully, by pulling Eggsy flush against him and sneaking a finger between Eggsy's thighs, brushing it against his hole. Eggsy threw his head back and howled, grinding back against the finger, chasing the contact, and Merlin responded by giving him what he wanted. He pushed past the tight ring on muscles and worked it in and out until Eggsy was ready for a second. He scissored his fingers inside his young lover, brushing his knuckles against his prostate every so often, watching mesmerized as each touch made Eggsy's cock jump in excitement.

"You're such a little slut for me," Merlin growled, and Eggsy froze.

"Uhhh..." Eggsy's voice was a faint squeak.

"Eggsy, did I do something? Are you hurt, what's wrong?"

"If it's possible, could you avoid calling me slut and whore in bed? Or, on couch? I'm sorry, its just...Dean, you know, its not..."

"I'm so sorry," Merlin said immediately, holding Eggsy closer to him. "Of course, I won't ever do that again, I am so sorry I caused you pain," he whispered in Eggsy's ear and made to remove his hand from where it was sheathed in Eggsy's body, but Eggsy thrust back and clenched, trapping Merlin inside him.

"I accept your apology. And I'm ready. Get in me now," Eggsy demanded and Merlin removed his hand, lined himself up and thrust upward, while Eggsy sank down and flexed his muscles. The tightness of Eggsy squeezing his muscles around him, combined with how hot and tight Eggsy already was, almost finished Merlin off right there, but he resisted, and Eggsy began to move, slowly at first, but was soon bouncing wildly on Merlin's cock like he was trying to ride him in to the sunset. Merlin cried out and thrust just as wildly as Eggsy was moving on him, and all too soon, Merlin felt himself ready to spill inside Eggsy and fill him up. He worked a hand between them, and rubbed gently at a spot between where his cock was nestled, and the younger man's swollen balls, making Eggsy cry out and shoot his load all over both of them, His orgasm made him clench his muscles even tighter and soon Eggsy felt Merlin spilling wet heat inside him. Spent and exhausted, Eggsy collapsed against Merlin's chest, with Merlin still inside him, keeping his seed inside him. The older man tilted his lover's head back so he could kiss him, pulling out and laying Eggsy down on the couch beneath him as he did so. Eggsy whined at the loss, but wiggled his hips and adjusted, kissing back with such fervor Merlin would have sworn he was ready to go again.

"Your stamina will be the death of me," he groaned, laying on his side next to Eggsy.

"Oh trust me, even I'm not that good. I just love kissing you. Was too busy throwing my head back and flailing on top of your gorgeous cock while you were inside me to give you a proper kiss. Gotta make up for lost time, don't I?"

"You are so adorable. I feel a bit bad now for all the filthy things I want to do to this sexy body of yours."

"No guilt necessary. I'm yours for the taking."

"Noted. Are you okay? After what I said?" Merlin asked gently and Eggsy replied with a kiss.

"Yes. I'm just glad I have someone like you, who will listen to me when I get up the courage to talk about my needs."

"I will always listen. Always, all though I do have a question, but I'm not sure if I can ask this of you."

"I had a feeling you'd be curious. It's okay, honey. Ask away," Eggsy reassured him, taking Merlin's hand in his own.

"You mentioned Dean earlier, I want to ask...did he do anything to you? Sexually speaking?" Merlin's question was tentative and Eggsy was convinced that Merlin was not sure he wanted to know the answer to his own question.

"No, he never did. But when he was beating me and the like, he would say those things to me. Didn't like that I was a dirty poof, and all that. Although it was never in a situation of sexual abuse, I don't like being called those names, it just hurts too badly." Eggsy took a deep breath and fell silent, and Merlin pulled him close to his chest and soothed him.

"I'm sorry I brought up old wounds, I just wanted to understand. I shouldn't have pushed you, sweetheart."

"It's okay, I'm glad you asked. I'm glad you care enough to ask, it means a lot, Merlin."

"I'm just glad I didn't hurt you, but I'm happy you're okay, and I'm so happy to be here. This is more than I ever dared to hope for," the older man replied softly, kissing Eggsy's hair fondly.

"Good. Sleep now?" Eggsy asked, his eyes already closing.

"Yes. Sleep my darling," Merlin's words were enough to soothe him, and so Eggsy did as he said, and slept soundly through the night in his lover's arms.


	2. I've Fallen In Love With A Man On The Run

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Kentucky calls. Things fall apart.

_5 Months Later_

"Despite your attempts to keep me here all day, I actually do have to go to work," Merlin said between sloppy kisses. Eggsy, for his part, was not having any of this, and proceeded to demonstrate his opinion by thrusting his hips up roughly to meet Merlin's.

"Nah, you don't. Its a Saturday, you're not on call, so get back down here and let's go for a repeat performance of that thing you did last night, I think I blacked out for a second," Eggsy purred, tugging Merlin in to a heated kiss, wrapping his leg around him for leverage to get him to stay.

"I'm sorry love, I've gotta go. I'll be back, its a simple issue, I can fix it an be home to you in no time," Merlin promised and with another kiss, he was gone.

Eggsy groaned in frustration, and then laid back against the pillows, trying to keep his mind off his current predicament, but to no avail; Merlin had completely wrecked him inside out last night and he was left all alone wanting more. Finally he gave up on forcing Merlin back into bed by sheer will power, and opted for a wank in the shower, which felt pathetic compared to the company of the older man. He closed his eyes and ran a hand over his nipples slowly, then trailed his fingers down his stomach, trying to take his time just as Merlin usually did, touching himself slowly and deliberately. Just the thought of his hands had Eggsy ready to go again, but he opted for getting dressed, just in case Merlin wasn't back as quickly as he promised. He had barely pulled on a pair of jeans when his phone rang.

"Miss me too much?" he answered when he saw it was Merlin calling.

"Eggsy, I'm sorry to do this, but get dressed, I am picking you up in about 5 minutes. Be ready."

"Ready for what? Honey, you're scaring me," Eggsy said, yanking a shirt over his head hastily.

"I can't say, I'm sorry Eggsy, just...we're almost there, walk outside," Merlin said briskly and hung up. Eggsy pocketed his phone, shoved his feet in his sneakers and ran down the stairs and threw open the door, almost forgetting to lock up behind him.

"Eggsy," Merlin breathed into his neck the second Eggsy was in the car. He had wasted no time pulling Merlin into an embrace and then he cradled Merlin's face in his hands.

"Merlin, darling, tell me what's wrong, where are you taking me?" Eggsy asked, bewildered, as they pulled up next to the plane that was waiting for them. Merlin took Eggsy's hand in his and held as though it was made of glass. He was silent for a few moments, not looking at Eggsy. Finally he looked Eggsy in the eye and took a deep breath.

"We're going to Kentucky," Merlin said bitterly and Eggsycould have sworn he felt the whole world stop.

"Merlin, you're not telling me..."

"I got a call from a nurse at a hospital in Kentucky, about 20 miles away from that awful church. Their last remaining John Doe has recovered from his prolonged coma, with full brain function, and has confirmed that his name is Harry Hart. I am just as shocked as you are, I promise," Merlin said, but was cut off by a kiss from Eggsy.

"Thank you for telling me," Eggsy whispered."I know how hard telling me must have been, and I just want you to know that I am over him. It's going to be good to see him, of course, because he's my teacher, and my friend. But nothing on this earth can make me leave you. Nothing," he said firmly, and then took Merlin's hand as they boarded the plane.

Despite the kiss and moment of honesty that he had hoped would reassure his boyfriend, Merlin sat across from him and didn't speak to Eggsy or touch him the entire flight. It made him nervous and he thought about saying something, but the prospect of seeing Harry again made all of this seem so trivial. Besides, Merlin would be fine in a minute. He was going to see Harry, and they would be the way they always had been, just friends. And then Merlin would feel better ad they would both have their friend back, Eggsy knew. Everything would be fine.

They landed, and the silence continued. They walked right into the hospital, having landed in an empty lot across the way (apparently the pilot could sense Eggsy's impatience), and rushed to the front desk.

"We're looking for Harry Hart," Eggsy said breathlessly, and the nurse smiled.

"Are you Eggsy?" she asked and Eggsy nodded slowly.

"Yeah, I am, and that's our friend Merlin over there," he said carefully, not sure if he should have given up his identity so quickly, or why she knew who he was.

"I ask because he has been asking for you. A lot. I'll take you right to him, he shouldn't be asleep at this hour," she said and Eggsy bounded after her eagerly, resembling an overgrown puppy. He couldn't help himself, it was just too much. When they arrived at Harry's room, Eggsy stopped dead before he got to the door. Suddenly he didn't know if he would be fine. He didn't know if he could stay with his boyfriend who he cared about so deeply, and look the man in that hospital bed in the eye. He didn't know if he had it in him to not love Harry Hart with his entire being.

"Merlin, I need a minute, do you want to-" he asked quietly, and Merlin nodded solemnly, giving Eggsy a quick kiss on the cheek before he walked slowly into his best friend's room.

"Merlin, good to see you," Harry said, softly, a warm smile spreading across his face, so wonderful a sight that Merlin could almost ignore the angry red scar across Harry's temple.

"Oh Harry. Thank god you are alright."

"Well, I am alive, I'll say that much. The headaches can be quite terrible, and this scar is unsightly, however all things considered..." Harry mused, a smirk telling Merlin that he was teasing.

"All things considered you are an ass, but you are here and you are alive, and the world is far better off for it," Merlin said quietly.

"There's someone here to see you," he added and Harry's eyes widened slightly.

"You brought him?" he asked and Merlin nodded.

"For me?" he asked and Merlin smiled.

"I certainly didn't do it for my health," he said, trying desperately to keep the bitterness out of his voice.

"Of course. Thank you," Harry said barely above a whisper.

"Harry, I've got to ask you before I bring him in here, do you have feelings....do you love Eggsy?" Merlin asked, because if he didn't, it was going to drive him crazy.

"I do, Merlin. I thought I'd never get to tell him," Harry confessed and Merlin's smile tried to hide the fact that his world was ending, and he found that once again the battle against his beating, breaking heart was fierce and exhausting.

"I think you should tell him now. I'll be right back," Merlin mumbled and walked out in to the hall. "Eggsy," he said softly to the young man waiting on the floor by the door to the room.

"Can I go in?" he asked and Merlin smiled.

"That depends. Are you ready?"

"I am, yeah. Thank you, Merlin," Eggsy leaned in to Merlin, who squeezed him tight very briefly, then released him. He couldn't draw this out, it would kill him.

"You should go in there and tell him how you feel."

"No... I can't do that to you," Eggsy pleaded.

"You can't, but I can. And I'm telling you that it's fine, and you should tell him."

"But what about us? Merlin, I don't want to just..." Eggsy trailed off, running a hand over Merlin's chest, gripping his sweater tightly.

"It's okay. Really. I had a feeling."

"Does he know?" Eggsy asked and Merlin shook his head.

"No, but I did. I had a feeling that this would happen," he said and he looked so sad that Eggsy nearly hugged him close, but it didn't feel like the moment.

"I'm sorry Merlin, you know I care for you so much, but..."

"But he's Harry Hart. I know. Go ahead, I'll be okay, eventually."

"Okay. I really am sorry," Eggsy said, and walked in the room.

He saw Harry laying there in that bed, waiting for him, noticed how Harry's arm twitched as though he wanted to offer an arm to Eggsy, and he thought about how stony Merlin had been on the flight to this place, and how much courage it must have taken Merlin to invite Eggsy to come with him, when he had known since he got the call that he would probably lose him. He tried not to let his heart break as he tentatively stepped forward.

"My darling boy," he sighed and Eggsy stepped forward tentatively, looking at Merlin, as if to ask permission.

"Go ahead, dear," Merlin said very quietly, and Eggsy launched himself into Harry's arms, and Harry kissed him. Eggsy melted and Merlin fought back the tear that threatened to spill, much to his resentment. After a few moments of being locked together like two pieces of a beautifully depressing puzzle, they broke apart, and Harry took Eggsy by the hand. Eggsy's knees seemed to give way and he sank in to the chair by Harry's bed.

"Harry, I love you. I love you so much."

"I love you too," Harry mumbled, tripping on the words he had wanted to say for so long.

"I never thought you'd ever know how I feel, especially when I lost you," Eggsy said and Harry smiled.

"Hush, its alright now. I love you too, darling Eggsy," Harry spoke gently, as though he was trying to soothe Eggsy's troubles with his voice alone.

"You do?" Eggsy couldn't believe it.

"How could I not, sweetheart? When I thought I was dying, you were the thing I thought of to make myself stay here."

"Oh Harry. So much has changed, I'll have to show you my new house, and my new life, because I'm going to want you in it forever. I'm Galahad now," Eggsy said gently, and Harry squeezed his hand.

"And I look forward to every moment of your long career, my love. I'll be on the slow path for a bit, and then I'll join you, how does that sound?"

"Like a dream, Harry."

"I'm going to go see about details of getting you home, Harry," Merlin chose that moment to chime in, and Harry sighed in relief. "I'm assuming you'd like to finish out your recovery at home?"

"You would be right, as always, Merlin. Thank you," Harry said cheerfully. 

Merlin took his leave then, and tried to process what had just happened. Just hours ago he had Eggsy. They were blissfully happy, in spit of everything that had happened to them, and now...poof, it was over. Because of Harry bloody Hart surviving a blasted gunshot to the head. And the crazy part was that it was his choice. Eggsy didn't want things to change, he didn't want to leave Merlin. Merlin had pushed him. Why? He continued to brood through his conversation with the nurse at the administration desk, and had half made up his mind to walk back in that room and tell Harry about him and Eggsy, and tell Eggsy he didn't want to lose him, and that he should pick him instead of Harry, but when he walked through the door, the words died on his tongue. Eggsy was on the bed, curled against Harry's side, and they were speaking softly in between sweet kisses. He backed out of the doorway; they could go home in a few hours time.

"So what do we do now?" Eggsy asked, trying not to remember when he had asked Merlin that exact same question in a time that felt like a whole other life now.

"I'd like to take you on a proper date. Today is Wednesday, correct?"

"Yeah, Harry, it's Wednesday," Eggsy replied softly, unable to stop smiling.

"Excellent. Why don't we have tea tomorrow at my house, and then dinner at this lovely restaurant I have desperately missed on Saturday evening? It's my favorite, and I'd like to go with you," Harry decided, carding his fingers through Eggsy's hair.

"That all sounds lovely, but what am I meant to do until tomorrow?"

"Anticipation is half the courting process, my dear. Besides, we've got a whole plane ride home together. Plenty of time to play," Harry whispered filthily. "Is that what we're doing? You're courting me now?" Eggsy asked, and Harry smiled.

"Of course. I'm just fortunate there are no other hats in the ring, so to speak," Harry said and pressed a kiss into the top of Eggsy's head, which was lucky, because he didn't see Eggsy's smile falter, or look out into the hall to see that tear finally spilling down Merlin's cheek. They held each other close on the plane ride home, and Eggsy barely let go of Harry long enough to go home and sleep restlessly in his own bed.

_Thursday_

"So how were you, you know, during the time I was...gone?" Harry asked tentatively after he poured the tea.

"Yeah, I uh, hid under a blanket for two weeks and cried, to be honest. Watched Star Wars a lot. Merlin was very helpful."

"Oh I thought he might be. How did he help you?" Harry was smiling, and Eggsy looked at his hands.

"We were together for a bit," he mumbled, and Harry nodded, his suspicion confirmed.

"I figured as much. It's okay, Eggsy, you have nothing to be ashamed of. Merlin would be a logical choice to help you through everything, and I don't think I'm indulging my ego too greatly to say that I'm sure you both missed me very much. The Star Wars I'm a little shaky on though," Harry joked, and Eggsy smiled.

"I felt kinda like Luke after Obi Wan died. You were my mentor, the one who believed in me when no one else did," Eggsy explained.

"Nothing romantic going on between Obi Wan and Luke," Harry said slowly, and Eggsy nodded carefully.

"True, I took a few liberties," Eggsy said softly.

"I can see that. Tell you what, why don't we skip that meeting at HQ tomorrow, and spend the day indoors watching Star Wars, if you'd like to watch them with me? It's been a few years, and I'm rather out of touch with your references I'm afraid," Harry confessed and Eggsy smiled so brightly at the suggestion.

"You read my mind, Harry. That sounds perfect," Eggsy said, and they drank their tea together, before Harry decided he need to get out of the house. They took a stroll through the park with JB and Eggsy caught Harry up on all that he had missed. Harry listened intently, and kept Eggsy's hand clasped in his own, but the more he heard, the more he couldn't help but feel something was slightly amiss.

By the end of their date, Harry had developed a theory to test, and while the outcome might be slightly unexpected, he knew that in the end, he would never want to be anywhere else but in Eggsy's life, and would take whatever consequences ensued from his discovery.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> One more chapter to go guys!!!


	3. He's Good and He's Bad and He's All That I've Got

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Harry opens Eggsy's eyes to what he really wants.

True to his word, Harry purchased the entirety of the Star Wars series in preparation for his movie date with Eggsy. They started with Episode 3 at Eggsy's insistence, although Harry's purist sensibilities nearly couldn't handle the strain of the prequel disaster. They were about to start Episode 5 when Harry finally spoke up about the thoughts that had been brewing since he brought up watching the series, and the realization that he had confirmed his own suspicion during the final scene of A New Hope.

He noticed that Eggsy had leaned comfortably against him, with a surprising lack of kissing or actual cuddling happening between them throughout the films. He also observed that Eggsy seemed more troubled by the possibility of the loss of Han than the actual fact of losing Obi Wan. And Harry had to admit, he was so comfortable like this- happy and at peace with the knowledge that he loved Eggsy very much, but quite content, comfortable, even, with the idea nothing sexual happening between them, and not at all bothered by the idea of him being with someone else. He had a sense that Eggsy, while of the same mind on the first two, was not so at ease with staying with Harry because he thought he had to. He knew he had to set the boy free, and he could not stay silent a moment longer.

"Eggsy, would you be horribly offended if I told you that I think the romantic feelings we experienced were a result of being happy to see each other?" Harry finally gathered up the courage to ask. Eggsy looked at him for a second and then exhaled with apparent relief.

"Oh my god, I thought it was just me. You're my teacher, and my best friend, but I can't keep trying to fall in love with you, or we won't be friends anymore," Eggsy sighed happily, feeling lighter than air now that the weight of doubt had lifted. The realization made him ironically scoot closer to Harry at that point and he hugged his arm.

"I quite agree, my dear boy. So what are you going to do about Merlin?" Harry asked, hoping that his instinct was correct.

"How did you know?" Eggsy asked, and Harry was almost offended at how surprised Eggsy was.

"I saw his face when I held you. He's Han. Besides Eggsy. It's me, and it's you. I know you better than anyone. I could tell. Princess," He joked.

"Why does everyone think I'm Princess Leia?" Eggsy groaned in protest.

"Oh you're not, I"m sorry I teased you. You're still Luke. I've done my research, according to message boards and the internet, they are very much in love. Because after the first person who believed in Luke is gone, Han makes sure he knows he's still worth something. And so they fall in love."

"Really? Where's that written?"

"The internet, Eggsy, is a wonderful thing. Now go to him, and I would be very much honored to give you away at the wedding."

"Bit early for that, don't you think?"

"Don't be so certain. Go," Harry said, and Eggsy hugged him before taking off to catch a cab to HQ.

It had only been a few days and yet he had missed Merlin so much it was as though the older agent was oxygen, and Eggsy was drowning. All the way to HQ his heart was hammering in his chest. He sprinted through the shop, tapped his heel throughout the agonizingly slow ride in the dressing room elevator down to the tunnel, and paced frantically in the underground train on the way to Merlin. He wondered briefly why he was hurrying, seeing as he was currently at a loss for words to explain why he was there and not with Harry, but he hoped that seeing Merlin's face would inspire him. So he hurried. He walked as briskly as possible to Merlin's office and burst through the door, but couldn't find him anywhere. He finally did run into Roxy in the hall.

"Roxy, luv, this is very important, where is Merlin?" he asked, hoping she would ignore his disheveled appearance and the fact that he was out of breath.

"I think he's in his quarters. You remember where they are I'm sure?" she teased and he nodded.

"Alright, well...good luck Eggsy, be gentle with him," she advised and he nodded, knowing that she would find out sooner or later that everything was going to be okay, or so he hoped. He headed off in the direction of Merlin's private quarters and burst in without knocking, to find Merlin in a t shirt and jeans, sprawled on the couch with a book.

"It's like this- Luke was lost after Obi Wan died and then Han made him realize that he was still worth something, that Obi Wan's death doesn't make him nothing. Now if Luke were to see Obi Wan again, he'd be relieved, sure, and so so happy, but that would never be enough to make him leave Han. He loves Han more than anything in the world," Eggsy said breathlessly, to a completely stunned, slightly red eyed Merlin.

"Han and Luke aren't together," Merlin spluttered and Eggsy laughed, still breathless.

"The internet, mate. It's a beautiful thing," Eggsy whispered and kissed Merlin with as much love as he could muster.

"So you and Harry..." Merlin said, a question hanging in the air.

"Friends. It didn't work. Because of you," Eggsy said and continued kissing Merlin, but he pulled away when he felt the dampness of Merlin's cheeks.

"Why the tears, my love?" Eggsy asked, and Merlin looked away.

"I thought I'd lost you. I manage to keep a cool head watching my colleagues and friends face death on an almost daily basis. Haven't broken down over one of them in years... well, months. But you...I live without you for all of three days and I'm a complete mess," Merlin said, turning away from Eggsy in embarassment. But Eggsy wasn't having it, and gently took Merlin's face in his hands.

"Don't hide from me. I missed you too, so much, but don't worry, we'll never have to go without each other again."

"How can you be sure?" Merlin pleaded, and Eggsy took Merlin's hand.

"Becasue I love you."

"Eggsy," Merlin mumbled, but Eggsy pulled him close.

"No, don't. I love you so much I can barely stand up. And I know I have never said it before because of everything I went through, but my fantasy literally just came true before my eyes, and in the end, none of it was as good as when you smile at me," Eggsy said firmly, and Merlin sighed in relief and their eyes met.

"I love you too Eggsy. With my whole heart. I'll never leave you," Merlin sighed into Eggsy's neck, and then kissed him with so much love and passion that Eggsy didn't notice he was being lowered on to Merlin's lap as Merlin laid them both on the couch.

"Did you have the couch moved to your bedroom?" Eggsy asked, and Merlin turned slightly pink and nodded. "I think it's adorable. This is where it all started. We owe a lot to this couch," Eggsy joked while Merlin ran his lips over Eggsy's neck.

"That's true. Maybe I should get a new one for my office, and make this the centerpiece for our bedroom."

"Our?" Eggsy whispered in disbelief.

"I had planned to ask you when I returned from that phone call, but, well...we never really did. Will you move in with me?"

"No. But I will help you pick out and pay for a new place that is all our own, does that sound alright?"

"That is perfect Eggsy. I love you," Merlin reminded him and Eggsy purred, leaning in to Merlin's chest. "And you're sexy. How on earth did I get so lucky?"

"I think lucky has nothing to do with it. I would have found you no mater what. And I love you too," Eggsy moaned breathily. "When you were about to leave that morning, you promised another activity when you returned... remind me what that was?"

"For that, I think we need the bed, wouldn't you agree?" Merlin growled, and lifted Eggsy in to his arms.

"Ohh yes," Eggsy whined, arching into Merlin's touch, taking no time at all to straddle him once Merlin was situated on the bed. He lowered his hips experimentally and moved his hips back and forth over Merlin's tented trousers. The older man moaned and arched beneath him and Eggsy grinned, climbing off the bed to tug off his clothes and then went to work pulling off Merlin's jeans.

"You went commando?" he asked incredulously. "Were you expecting me?" Eggsy teased, licking his way up Merlin's torso, pushing back the t shirt as he went, finally tugging it over Merlin's arms and tossing it aside.

"Laundry day," Merlin growled, flipping Eggsy on to his back and climbing on top of him. Eggsy would have found that funny if Merlin wasn't looking at him like he was the most incredible creature on the planet. Naked, possessive Merlin who was hard as steel at the sight of the beautiful boy beneath him. Merlin leaned down to kiss him passionately, and the heat of the kiss distracted him from the hand making its way between his legs. He hooked his leg around Merlin's waist to allow access, and Merlin grinned, breaking away from the kiss to press two fingers into Eggsy's mouth. Eggsy rose to the challenge, sucking them like a wanton whore, whimpering around them like he was desperate for it. Merlin had to fight to concentrate, settling instead for latching his teeth on to Eggsy's nipple while the boy sucked. The whines became more high pitched and Merlin could feel eggsy thrusting against him, searching in vain for friction. Merlin gave the other nipple the same treatment while he pressed a third finger between Eggsy's lips. Eggsy sucked it eagerly, moaning still louder when Merlin bit down on his collarbone and removed his fingers from Eggsy's mouth.

"Come back up here an kiss me," Eggsy whined and Merlin did as he was asked, letting the now slicked fingers drift down to slip into Eggsy's eagerly awaiting hole.

"Did you prepare for this?" Merlin asked, and Eggsy closed his eyes.

"Sort of..." He trailed off, and Merlin paused.

"Eggsy, look at me." Eggsy opened his eyes. "Did you have sex with Harry?"

"No! I prepped coz I thought he might want to, but we sat on the couch watching movies until he brought up that whatever was between us wasn't romantic, and then we talked about you and I came straight to you. You're the only one I want to be with," Eggsy promised and Merlin kissed him reassuringly, letting his finger push in and out of Eggsy as he did so.

"Eggsy, I'm not worried, I just wanted to be sure that you were okay. I'll add another finger, if you're ready. You feel incredible," Merlin breathed and Eggsy's nod signaled him to push a second finger in. He scissored his fingers slowly, and when Eggsy screwed up his eyes in discomfort, Merlin crooked his fingers in an attempt to find that bundle of nerves. He knew when he had found it from the howl that came from Eggsy, and he continued to massage the spot while he added a third finger.

"Merlin, I'm ready for you, get in me, please," Eggsy pleaded and Merlin obliged him. With another soft kiss, he pulled away to align himself and pushed in, very slowly, until he could feel Eggsy relaxing around him. "Move, baby," Eggsy whined, and Merlin raised an eyebrow.

"Baby?" he asked, suddenly very serious.

"Yes, baby. I don't care if you are a top ranking agent with an illustrious history of killing bad guys with your pinky finger. From me, you get nothing but adorable pet names. And great sex. Which, speaking of..." He trailed off and clenched down and Merlin's eyes almost rolled back in to his skull. He let out a low moan and began deep, driving thrusts in and out of Eggsy, hitting his prostate on almost every time. Eggsy was crying out, loudly, unintelligably, while Merlin was growling fiercely, the gutteral possesive sounds being drawn out of him by the heat of being deep inside his young lover. He thrust more quickly, his rhythm erratic, and suddenly, without warning, Eggsy was exploding all over their stomachs.

"I had no idea that was gonna happen," Eggsy gasped, sobbing with the force of the pleasure washing over his body. Merlin thrust in a few more times and then he was spilling inside Eggsy, filling him to the brim before pulling out gently and hurrying to the bathroom for a damp flanel. He cradled Eggsy close to him, pulling him against his chest and running the cloth over him softly, before discarding it beside the bed and pulling the blanket over them both.

"This is a four poster, let's close the curtains," Eggsy whispered, and Merlin obliged.

"Feeling shy?" Merlin asked gently, once he had his arms safely around Eggsy once more.

"I am when we aren't at home. I know I don't seem like the most...modest bloke, but sometimes, especially with you, I get kind of...vulnerable afterward? I don't know, its too hard to explain this. But long story short, I love it when its just you and me."

"Me too. Please let me know if its me that makes you feel this way."

"It is, but its in a good way. A really good way. So good I don't want anyone else to see me this way. This is just for us. I love you."

"I love you too. And you are right. Just for us." They were silent until both of them were hanging on the edge of sleep.

"Hey Merlin?"

"Yes Eggsy?"

"I love you."

"I love you too."

"Merlin... remember that long amazing romantic speech I gave when I came in here? Remember the wonderfully amazing extended metaphor I used?"

"....yes. I'm sorry. Try again, my love."

"I love you."

"I know."

Eggsy giggled softly and drifted off to sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked it!!

**Author's Note:**

> Comments are appreciated, title of work and chapter titles are from the song The Devils Backbone by The Civil Wars/


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